Potty training mamas… Can you relate?
1. You’re late to an appointment or to pick up your older kids since your potty-trainer got on and off the toilet 10 times because she couldn’t figure out if she had to poop or not. She did, but it ended up on the floor anyway, and then you had to spend time cleaning it up.
2. You suddenly have a large bag of little snap-crotch bodysuits and overalls to get rid of because you forgot that a potty-trained toddler can’t really wear those things.
3. People give you odd looks in the public restroom as you heave your toddler up to the sink so that you can at least make an attempt to wash her hands since she managed to touch every single nasty surface in the bathroom stall, including inside the toilet bowl. (Better follow up with hand sanitizer, too.)
4. You panic at the prospect of taking a long road trip, since your kid is trained to pee every hour. During the road trip, your child realizes that saying “POOPY! POOPY!” urgently is like a “Get Out Of Car Free” card, no matter what.
5. You laughed so long ago when reading a hilarious craigslist roommate horror story that involved keeping a poop chart in the bathroom. Now you realize that this is your life.
6. You have to buy another pair of sneakers for your toddler because one pair is always damp from getting peed in the day before. Eventually you break down and buy crocs. Don’t judge.
7. You can’t take it anymore when your husband gives you all the bullet points of his amazing poop he just had (should you be lucky enough to have such a husband). It feels like everyone is pushing all their poop on you and since when did you become the Poop Superintendent? You’ve got enough of your own poop to worry about!
8. You think the Resolve carpet cleaning spray should change their slogan from, “That’s okay!” to “YOU WERE JUST PLAYING TWO FEET FROM THE BATHROOM DOOR!”
9. You are completely paranoid that your house smells like old urine. It may or may not actually smell like old urine, but since you live there, you can’t tell. It’s always on your mind when the doorbell rings, and you finally break down and invest in plug-in air freshener.
10. Your dinner has been interrupted by a two-year-old tyrant yelling from the bathroom, “WIPE MY BUTT! WIPE MY BUTT! MOMMY, I’M TALKING TO YOU!!”