Don’t try and hide it, mamas. We know your crazy has shown in new ways since you ventured out into the world of motherhood. I polled the other moms with the question, “How has motherhood revealed your crazy?” promising they would remain anonymous. So here are some of the funniest confessions and “I’ve been there” stories I collected, with as a few of my own thrown in. Not only does motherhood cause womenkind’s crazy to show, it can also be categorized!
We Love to Wake Up Sleeping Children
- The intercom button on my video monitor is there so I can whisper my baby’s name to make the baby stir just a little to ensure they are breathing, right?
- My son had a fever and fell asleep with his eyes half-open and sweat on his brow. Thanks to my medical training (provided by Google), I concluded he had experienced a febrile seizure. So with my excellent first aid skills, I shook him till he woke up.
We Have Food Issues
- My kids came down the stairs when I was eating a candy bar. I shoved it in my bra so I wouldn’t have to share.
- My children often use me as a napkin, but let’s be honest, I use them for one as well.
- I produced so much milk when nursing I used sanitary pads as nursing pads. Somehow, one fell out onto the floor when my husband and I were at a formal dinner. There was nothing I could do but bend over, pick it up and move on with the evening. No one said a word.
We Cry More Now that We are Mamas
- My daughter once walked up and started helping me do the dishes. I cried.
- I took my family to the latest Pixar movie and I cried (during the previews).
- After waking up from a full night’s sleep, I cried after checking to make sure my baby was still alive.
We Try to Keep Them Healthy and Safe
- I dug through poop for days just to make sure a bead my toddler swallowed made it all the way through.
- My child started to fall and I knew I couldn’t reach him, so I stuck my hand out and yelled, “Stop!” desperately hoping I would suddenly have telekinetic powers. Spoiler alert: he fell anyway.
- After a large earthquake, I was pretty sure the house was going to fall on us if there was an aftershock. I pitched a tent on the front lawn, tucked three kids into sleeping bags, and we slept out there for three nights.
- I am pretty sure hitting the invisible brake on the passenger side of the car and gripping the side of the door helps my daughter become a better driver.
- When my husband is out of town I fall asleep planning how I will rescue all four children in a fire, earthquake, tornado, etc…while also placing pieces of furniture in front of all entrances to the house.
Don’t Even Say the Words Field Trip
- I go on every field trip with my kids because I KNOW the bus will crash and catch on fire, and I need to be there to save everyone.
- When my kids go on field trips, I spray them with my perfume so that the search dogs can detect a strong sent if they were kidnapped or lost from the group. I also write our phone number on an arm and a leg in case one limb got chopped off somehow.
See mamas, you’re not alone. We can embrace the cray-cray confessions. It may just keep our kids alive, even if they are a little perfumy….