Experiencing high emotions in your family this summer? You’re not alone! Emotional outburst and breakdowns – both your children’s and your own – are the #1 challenge parents face today, anytime time of year. And as the temperature heats up, so do high emotions within families. Whether it’s the heat, lack of routines, or having all the kids home from school, summertime emotions can be full of temper tantrums, meltdowns, angry fits, and emotional outbursts. Here are three positive parenting tools and tips to support your family’s summertime emotions.
Emotional Safety is Key
Emotions are the security guards and alarm systems of our lives, as well as the barometer of our life experiences. Wired into our DNA from our early human anthropological experiences, emotions helped keep us safe from wild animals when we lived closer to the earth. Did you know that on a primal level our brains read fear and stress as one and the same? We may not be dodging prehistoric predators today, but it is the most stressful time in history to be a mom. As the safeguards of our lives, our family’s high emotions are letting us know loud and clear that we are stressed. So if you or your kids are experiencing high summertime emotions, please know it’s not your fault – you’re just stressed out like the rest of us!
Seeing the stress you face literally as the bear in the room might be helpful. Also, think about ways you can bring a sense of safety to your life; which the brain reads as calmness, nurturing, support, positive thoughts and action, and trusting relationships. Specific tools for moms to create safety and support your family’s summertime emotions include alone time and/or social time, playing calming music in your home, lots of deep belly breathing, time in nature, adequate sleep, and learning tools and positive outlets to express high emotions.
Routines Rules But Kids Live in the Moment
Children are an interesting contradiction because all kids thrive on routines, yet they live in the moment. This means the summer evening BBQ your little one stays up late for may result in a missed sleep window and a 100% miserable next day. On the other hand, your child could easily spend thirty minutes splashing in a Portland water fountain when you’re running late to an appointment. Either one of these scenarios could be a recipe for high summertime emotions and a serious meltdown or tantrum. Children have basic needs for both routines and to move through life at a snail’s pace, taking everything in and enjoying the moment.
Sometimes these needs conflict with themselves, the family’s schedule, or your basic needs as a mom – and as a person. And as much as we love summertime, summer travel, later nights and less sleep, and the change in routines can throw little one’s systems all out of whack.
Honor Personality Type
Before you became a mom, were you more of a free spirit or Type A personality? It’s important to honor if you thrive on routines or resist them. Either way, motherhood will test you. Understanding how your personality type matches up with your child’s can be a saving grace to prevent and transform high summertime emotions.
Are you a free spirit type with a child who has a basic need for predictability and structure? Or do you have a flower child little one, and you’d prefer to have life scheduled to the minute? Temperament mismatches can heat up emotions in your family like the summer sun during a heatwave. The key is to learn how to respond to your child’s temperament in a way that affirms their basic needs both for routines and living in the moment, and honors your free spirit or Type A personality type, as well as your family’s schedule.
Whether your family’s high emotions – temper tantrums, meltdowns, or anger – can be challenging anytime of year, it is especially difficult over the summer when routines change, temperatures rise, and the kids are all home together. Keeping in mind the unique personality combos in your family, the gift of balance around routines, and key emotional safety techniques will help you find unique ways to keep summertime emotions cool, and a have a season full of beauty, calm, and fun!
