Ladies, it’s me, your future. I’m here to tell you all is well in Hysterectomy Land.
Here in Hysterectomy Land, there are no feminine hygiene products of any kind. Why? Because your Aunt Flo will no longer be joining you, God rest her soul. With all the money you’re saving each month, you can buy more chocolate and yoga pants.
Since your unwanted, and sometimes unexpected, Aunt Flo will no longer be visiting, you don’t have to worry about the restroom situation whilst camping this summer, or feeling bloated and biting the head off of your husband for not bringing home chocolate every 28 days. In fact, you never have to worry about it again. All that stuff the tampon box says you can do on your period, you can actually do now without worry.
Did I mention the forecast in Hysterectomy Land? Nothin’ but blue skies. Since I still have my ovaries, I won’t be journeying into Menopauseville early. (Well, technically, I’m expected to start about 6 months earlier than I would’ve without surgery.) So, no “heat waves” just yet. Not for a long time.
Dear ones, I can’t believe how much better I feel. At first, you can tell you’re missing some of your parts, giving you insight into how your IKEA bookshelf must feel. The removal of my very large, very angry, fibroid-filled and covered uterus, endometriosis, and ovarian cysts made me feel almost instantly better. A fibroid dangling off my uterus and pushing its way into my abdomen was so painful I thought I was having an attack of appendicitis! This thing was a giant piñata of failure that refused to give me fruit of the womb and has caused me nothing but problems since…well…puberty! Good riddance! Post-surgical pain was less than pre-surgical pain!
Also, I love my Ivy the Uterus plushie my cousin Shari sent me. Really, a great gift for that special person in your life heading to Hysterectomy Land. Not only is it funny, but it makes for a delightful anatomy conversation with your children. Very, dare I say, enlightening.
If you’re struggling with the finality of a hysterectomy, I understand. If it feels like an attack on your femininity, know you are also not less of a woman. Ladies, it’s ok to let go of that 1970’s Easy Bake Oven.
Your best days are not behind you. The best is yet to come. Welcome to my ‘hood, Hysterectomy Land.