This season in Portland brings shorter rainy days, soccer games, and pumpkin everything. Here are 18 signs you might be a Portland mom in the fall:
1. The first soccer game fell on a glorious 85-degree-day in August. You worked on your tan on the sidelines (just kidding, we’re Portlanders so we wear sunscreen). The season’s last game takes place on a dark, dreary October day complete with sideways rain. You wear your rain boots and a huge down coat and cry under an umbrella on the sidelines.
2. All the soccer socks are gone, even though you’re pretty sure you started the season with 50 pairs.
3. You begin to wonder why soccer in Oregon is even a thing.
4. It gets dark exponentially earlier, yet tragically bedtime stays the same.
5. You binge on Mr. Robot and Stranger Things in the exponential early darkness.
6. It’s also dark in the morning, so instead of making lunches at zero-dark-thirty, you either load up the kids’ hot lunch accounts or let them throw whatever they want into their lunchbox in the morning. Or both, whatever.
7. The kids’ new tactic for garnering video game time is “It’s too cold to play outside!” And you can’t really argue with them.
8. Accordingly, you load up on rain gear for the kids, because ANYTHING to keep them playing outside a little longer.
9. You’re designing Halloween costumes around said rain gear, because duh (everyone just go as a fireman, kay?).
10. The kids have changed their minds 25 times about what they want to be for Halloween. You already ordered their costumes online, on sale, six months ago (poor child’s costume will be hidden by a raincoat anyway).
11. You question who invented the game of soccer in the first place.
12. You’ve had way too many Pumpkin Spice Lattes.
13. You grab another Pumpkin Spice Latte.
15. Your kids draw pictures of imaginary pumpkin patches, silent pleas for another soggy trip to the patch to spend this month’s household income on sugar, bounce houses, and overpriced gourds.
16. You buy pumpkins at the grocery store and carve the jack-o-lanterns too early again this year. They are rotten on the front porch.
17. All of these things culminate on the last soccer day of the year; two days before Halloween when you realize one child doesn’t have a costume, every kid has a cold, rainy soccer game simultaneously, and you spaced that you were on snack duty.
18. You take a deep breath and head to the nearest coffee shop. You treat yourself to another Pumpkin Spice Latte, sipping it slowly as you walk around the block during the next rain break looking at the leaves, and feel thankful for a moment that you are a Portland mom in the fall.
And that another soccer season is over.