Embracing A Season of Change While Moving

I always underestimate what an incredible task moving is. For every box I think we will need, we actually need five. I misjudge the amount of stuff we’ve accumulated in the depths of the closets and end up spending twice as much time as I planned packing each room. I start out hesitant to give away things, but in the end I give away anything that isn’t nailed down. I’d like to think with each move we’ve made, my efficiency would have improved, but that has yet to be the case. 

In our most recent move in Portland, that same packing scenario played out once again. Our lease wasn’t up until the end of the next month, but my husband also had a ten day international trip planned which had him due back two days before said lease ended. He thought it would be fine, but I begged to differ. Instead of waiting, we found ourselves locating a townhouse, signing a lease, packing and moving within five days. Even with the incredibly fast timeline, everything went off without a hitch! We got everything boxed up, had friends to help with the heavy stuff, the weather cooperated, and both kids were excited. 

We moved in, unpacked our boxes, and started to make the house feel like our own. My family was able to settle into our new space and routines without skipping a beat, but I couldn’t help feeling like I had missed the same boat in our move. You see, while I was so busy packing and organizing and unpacking and knowing where each and every item we owned was now located, I hadn’t noticed I accidentally forgot to pack up the things that make me feel engaged and fulfilled and, well, like myself. 

I offered myself no grace in the moving process. I gave no time or thought to how a new location and changes in our daily routine would impact me. I forgot to think about myself. The few times “complaints” snuck their way into my thoughts, I did the exact opposite of what I have learned to do. Instead of giving myself space to just feel it and to be curious and thoughtful about those feelings, I shut myself down with negative self-talk. Why wasn’t I just thankful? Why did I have to find something to complain about? Didn’t I know how lucky I was?

Honestly, I didn’t even realize I was doing any of this mental self-sabotage until one day after the move I was scrolling Instagram and I read a post that hit me like a ton of bricks. 

You often feel tired not because you’ve done too much, but because you’ve done too little of what sparks a light in you.
– Alexander den Heijer

In that moment I realized what I left behind in our move. I left regularly attending yoga classes, walking to the grocery store, and knowing the baristas at our favorite neighborhood coffee shop. I forgot the feeling of sharing space and time with strangers on the sidewalks, while waiting at crosswalks, and on the train. I left behind the noise and the lights and the energy of downtown, and its space was begging to be filled.

I’m still working on how to be vulnerable, honest, and open minded with myself all at the same time. I’m still trying to figure out how to “fill that space” in an authentic way without getting caught up in distractions like cramming our schedule or getting lost in social media. Our move has been a season of change and change is hard, but also constant, so I’m learning to embrace it.