We all know that every child is unique and special. It does no one any good to compare any of your children to their siblings or any other child, or to compare your parenting experience to mine. Parenting in and of itself is just HARD, so let’s not waste time debating who has it easier. However, there seem to be some common experiences shared with many moms of boys and many moms of girls. Not every girl loves Frozen and not every boy is a little athlete; but when I took a survey on social media and received 111 comments in a couple hours, it seems there are some stereotypes that are based in truth.
My favorite replies were from my friends who have grown sons. You could hear the love in their voices as they talked about seeing their boys grow taller than them, giving their mamas huge bear hugs and eating them out of house and home. Not every boy is the same, but every mom with a boy knows what a privilege it is to raise them.
With help from my online community, I present:
28 Signs you may be a BOY MOM
28. At this very moment, you have a bouncy ball, a train track, action figure or plastic reptile in your purse.
27. You’ve used fruit loops for potty training.
26. You’ve had to console a crying four-year-old when he finds out he cannot marry you, but you secretly relish his adoration for you.
25. You know the difference between a bulldozer, tractor, backhoe and pay loader.
24. You know the pain of labor and delivery, and the pain of stepping on a lego, and you are not sure which is worse.
23. Before he learned to say his first word, your child could somehow make shockingly accurate sound effects. Sound effects for EVERYTHING.
22. You begin to make clothing purchases based on durability and “washability.” Those light up shoes are fun, but can they be thrown in the washing machine when they are trashed in two weeks? Little girls grow out of their clothes, little boys WEAR out of their clothes.
21. The phrases, “Get down,” “Take your hands out of your pants,” “Be gentle,” and “Keep your hands, feet and BODY to yourself,” flow off your tongue daily. Sometimes hourly.
20. EVERYTHING in your family becomes a competition: who can eat breakfast faster, swing higher at the park, put the most food in your mouth, or fart the longest.
19. Speaking of, bodily functions are a source of CONSTANT amusement, entertainment and conversation. You’ve surrendered to the point where you actually take a little pride in the volume of your own belching.
18. You find sticks, leaves, rocks, cars, coins and the occasional dead frog/rollie-pollie/lizard at the bottom of your washing machine. You find Hot Wheels cars EVERYWHERE.
16. Whether you approve or not, ANYTHING can be turned into a gun or sword. Before they even know what an actual gun IS, they will turn pretzels, play-doh, sticks or doll shoes into something that shoots. (With full sound-effects, obviously.)
15. Your sons are fiercely loyal and protective of you, and they love to snuggle with their mama. (You love it too.)
14. Your daughter sees a potentially dangerous situation and slowly back away. Your son sees a potentially dangerous situation and runs toward it, grinning.
13. You have a designated area in your backyard for them to pee.
12. You have to learn how a hundred things work, because you are asked daily to explain the inner workings of clocks, faucets, thunder, engines and the human body. Their curiosity is never satiated.
11. You know 10 different slang terms for male genitalia by the time your child is 8 years old.
10. No matter how many nice pairs of jeans you buy for your 4th grader, he will wear athletic shorts 365 days a year.
9. You are tired of explaining that running through the sprinkler is not the same as taking a shower, and you know he didn’t wash his body in there because he still smells like syrup and body odor.
8. They solve conflict aggressively and quickly, then have no trouble returning to business as usual. No grudges.
7. You still rush to your son when he is injured, but instead of seeking comfort, he is seeking high-fives and cheering.
6. EVERYTHING becomes a ladder, springboard, or jungle gym. No piece of furniture is safe. Most of the time, you accept this, but every few months when something new gets destroyed you find yourself screaming to your husband “WE CAN’T HAVE ANYTHING NICE! EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”
5. You are dealing with full or partial nakedness, CONSTANTLY. Wearing underwear alone is assumed to be adequate at all times (by the wear-er).
4. Your adrenaline system no longer responds in a normal manner. When you hear a loud crash or scream, you calmly wait 30 seconds to decide if it is a matter that needs your attention immediately or not.
3. Your bathroom will never, ever be fully clean. EVER. The urine stains and odor are your permanent companion.
2. You need one of these to do their laundry:
And the #1 sign that you may be a BOY MOM:
1. You grinned while reading this list, and despite all the dirt and rowdiness, you wouldn’t trade your little (or not so little) man for the world.